we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize