I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
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Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
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I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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