Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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