No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize