Sry I called you an 8
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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