if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not ubering you a puppy
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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