i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
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Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
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Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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