before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize