but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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