so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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