You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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