The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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