It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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