I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize