My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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