its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
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His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
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Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize