I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I think I just shit out all my problems.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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