I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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