I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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