I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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