just come out here and I will go home with you...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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