YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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