Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
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I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
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This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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