i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
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So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
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Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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