he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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