what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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