Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
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we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
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HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm like, not good at living.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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