How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize