I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
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I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
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stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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