Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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