Plan B is the new Plan A
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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