last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
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bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
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Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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