this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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