Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
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I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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