theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
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I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
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I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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