so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize