He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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