He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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