also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize