Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
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She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
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Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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