if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
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Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
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I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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