dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
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I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
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How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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