I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
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Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
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I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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