New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize