Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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