If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
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while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
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Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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