fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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