i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
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I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
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I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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