it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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