i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Sorry my hands just texted you
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
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who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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